Everyone carries their own burdes

Here, in Szeged, a lot of my friend are actually Ph.D Student. I don't know why I have a lot of Ph.D friend rather than master. For me, studying master here is difficult, so sometimes I complain about it to one of my besties, Yasmin. Tbh, it's a lot harder because this is also a new major, not entirely new but still a bit different from my previous one, and it's also more analytic. I need to read a lot and even studying economics and politics that I'm not quite fond of in this magister. 

When a few of my friend that studying Ph.D share their stories, I felt like I'm not in the position to complain. I felt that their burden is a lot. I don't even know how they started to open up and tell all of their worries. A friend that attend the same class even said she embarrassed because she needs me to help her, to teach her about certain software that we use together in the class. For me, I'm willing to help, without anything in return, and even I help her I didn't think low of her, I didn't think she is not smart or anything because she needs to ask me about certain things. People learnt different thing differently. Some of them good at catching up certain subjects, some are not, and vice versa. It also related to someone's interest and passion. No one good at everything. Someone maybe good at learning language, maybe others in programming. It's okay to acknowledge that it's difficult and you need help, whatever your degree or your profession is. I don't know maybe I'm just too insensitive that I couldn't see those insecurities in her until she told me, that she actually embarrassed having to ask me to help me. That night we ended up studying until late because a lot of time went to talk, but we need it - or at least her. I'm glad she spoke up, and I also can tell that I never think about her that way. Even we have different degrees, it doesn't matter, we study together, we both are a student, we both are learning a new thing and we both struggle at the same time.

Another friend also spoke up about the supervisor, she already changes her supervisor three times, because no one has the speciality in her topics. She stressful because of it that she can't concentrate on other things. Other also told about the amount of working she needs to be in the lab, and conference preparation and so on. It's like 24 hours is not enough. Listening to other complaints (Okay I don't know why but a lot of people share their stories to me, I love having a conversation though) makes me feel like I shouldn't complain because people are going through different obstacles in their life. I suddenly want to say sorry to my besties, Nova and Yasmin, because I complain a lot to them. Listening to some complain, especially the one who tells over and over again until you become sick to always hear it, is tiring, making you also down. I've just realized it. Of course, we need it, but if you say it over and over again with the same worries, the same complain, you just become sick of it. Avoid the person is the best for sure.

The things that I want to say is everyone has his or her own concerns. Sometimes it's the best for you to keep silent, just hear their worries and cheer up them that everything will be okay. Don't compare them to yours. Don't say yours is still better than me. Everyone has different abilities to cope with the struggle. However, when they tend to always complain to you, to always whine (especially because you live together, in the same room moreover) and always talking bad about others too, you need to distant yourself. It's not that you don't want to listen to them, It's not that you hate them, but you don't want to be influenced right? You need to also select the things that you should hear, right? Watch out also how she talks about others to you, because she maybe also talk about you in the same manner to others. Better to not close to that kind of person, right? You are nice, you are caring, that's why maybe people open up to you about their struggle, even stranger that you meet in the train talks about their problem to you, but please do not let others take it for granted, do not let others take the advantage of you. Do not make your kindness become your weakness. 

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Anyway I know people have their own burdens, but this thing happened recently, there is a person that asked my test answer (we uploaded it to coospace, so we can download it anytime) to send it to her so she can do well in a retake. Well, I know maybe I'm too kind that she can ask things like that but seriously you'd dare to ask like that? I can help with installing the software on your computer, I can help if you didn't understand something, but asking for that is unbelievable. Maybe I'm too easy so you think it's okay to ask like that.

I also didn't like about the group projects, you didn't do anything, even printing, but you dare to call it as 'our work'? I put your name as only the act of sympathy, charity, but honestly, your name didn't even deserve to be put in the paper.

I know people have their own problems, but they need to start taking responsibility on their own, not asking someone to clear their mess. to help them okay, but to clear the mess? Have maturity people please. Do not take some kindness for granted. I'm nice, but I will prove that I'm not easy so no one can step over me easily, so next time someone asks me to help, they can consider the request.